the fur flies!

The snow stopped and it's sunny but cold out there. I did get one reply on the G3-266 OS 10.2.8 network issues at the Apple forum, but it didn't fix the problem. I am sneaker netting files with an USB floppy drive right now. Grrr....

Here's another Film Roman and Fox contest entry. I may or may not have tainted my chances by letting this run longer than the requested single page, but the story gets as out of hand as these big pussies.

Pugnacious Pussies Synopsis
By Doug Holverson

An homage on an early ‘50s Warners and MGM cartoons featuring two overweight cat-girls fighting over a donut. This straddles the line between pastiche and parody, and is presented with a straight face, with no self-aware or self-referential posing, which makes the veering into off-color territory all that more “they’re not suppose to do that” funny. If music rights permit, this cartoon could be underscored Carl Stalling style arrangements of Leroy Anderson songs. I feel the Leroy and cartoon music would be an over-looked natural fit. This is an installment of the hypothetical “Cyclopses” show.

In an office in a cartoon world inhabited by anthropomorphic cats, the gals, Puffikins, Fuzzer, Foot Foot, Midnight, and Pouncer, all get up from the cubicles for coffee break. Due to an error by the bakery, a table is over flowing and piled to the ceiling with donuts. However, they’re all plain sugar donuts, save for one frosted glazed sprinkle that plump Puffikins grabs for herself. Her fat friend Fuzzer is a little tired at Puffy grabbing the best donut and starts insulting and poking her. Puffy insults and pushes back. Pushes turn to slapping and slapping turns into flying fists. Foot Foot, Midnight and Pouncer make a few greek chorus comments, until Pouncer notices that with “those two sows preoccupied, we got all the donuts for ourselves” and starts two fistedly shoveling them in. Midnight and Foot Foot pick up their own handfuls and join in.

Puffikins’ and Fuzzer’s fight wanders into the next room and they are bashing each other against a copy machine. This leads to a sight gag of looking down at the output tray with the machine spitting a page a second with a different cartoon expression of pain as each cat-girl’s head is banged against the glass.

Puffy shoves Fuzzer against an empty cubicle with a PC in it. Fuzzer starts choking Puffikins with the mouse cord until she turns purple and her eyes bulge out like grapefruits. The fight halts for a second as Puffy answers her cell phone (which was stuffed down her blouse and had an obnoxious tinny mechanical “Blue Tango” ring tone). She hands it to Fuzzer, “It’s for you.” Fuzzer tells the caller, “later, I’m all tied up with this clown!” and resumes choking Puffikins. Puffy then grabs a PC keyboard and pounds until most of the keys pop out and it finally breaks in tow it over Fuzzer’s head. Puffikins breaks free and holds the offending mouse up by the cord and looks at it disdainfully, “I hate meeces to pieces!” She then grabs an elbow lamp and goes after Fuzzer.

In the next joke, in an in-joke on the famous fake security camera download, Tyge is getting annoyed at his PC blue screening during particularly enthralling game of Solitaire and is pounding his fist on the keyboard as Popper pops his head up out of the cubical to watch. Tyge is about to whack the monitor with the keyboard when him and Popper stop to enjoy the view of two fat cat-girls fighting and alternately whacking each other with a lamp. Puffikins and Fuzzer are below the frame but their raised arms holding the increasingly battered lamp are in frame. When the lamp is brought down you do hear a Treg Brown percussive effect. Then one female female lunges at another leaving the lamp lonelily twirling in the air.

The two cat-girls have grabbed each other buy the necklines and cycling through thrown punches as they waddle down the hallway. That is until they run into a freshly waxed floor. In a bit of Friz Freling type stylized animation, their upper bodies are still as they embrace each other and the feet are slipping all over the place, perhaps to the tune of the “Waltzing Cat”. Licks just stands there and listlessly watches as the cat-girls slide by and then down the staircase.

An external view of the building as the silhouettes of the cat-girls and briefly glimpsed as they tumble by the windows on each of many flights. All sorts of hilariously incongruous Treg Brown style sound effects are played as they tumble and bounce all the way down.

Puffikins and Fuzzer roll out of the bottom of the staircase and into the men’s room. Snuggle, who is exiting the same room, shrugs and shakes off the toilet paper that has been dragging on his heal. Inside Fuzzer slams Puffy against the sinks and jam a soap dispenser nozzle in Puffy’s mouth. Fuzzer then pumps soap until Puffy’s cheeks bulge and bubbles come out her ears. Puffikins uses her free hand to pull a quarter out of her blouse. She sticks it into the vending machine on the wall. She accidentally sticks in it the coin slot for the “Spanish Fly”. She then has to flail it out and stick it in the “French Tickler” slot and turn the knob.

Puffikins grabs the French Tickler and jams it down Fuzzer’s throat. While Fuzzer is choking Puffy knocks her over. With Fuzzer flat on her back, Puffy bounces up and down on her belly with the pumping action causing the French Tickler to blow up like a giant balloon out of Fuzzer’s mouth. When the balloon is inflated until its tassel touches the ceiling, Puffikins tickles Fuzzer causing her to inhale all that air and inflate like a giant balloon herself. Puffy yanks the deflated tickler out of Fuzzer’s mouth causing her to fly about the room deflating until she’s a Lilliputian version of herself.

Fuzzer sticks her thumb in her and blows until she inflates herself to her normal height, but looks herself over to discover that she’s a beanpole version of herself. She blows on thumb again and is delighted that she’s a slender and busty version of herself. She blows on her thumb again and is now a really busty version of herself. Really delighted again she gives a really big blow on her thumb only to be annoyed and disappointed when she pops back to her old fat self. She then lunges at Puffikins knocking her into a stall. Fuzzer repeatedly dunks Puffikins’ head in the toilet and then flips the handle sending Puffy whirling down the toilet and out of sight.

Fuzzer walks away from the stall, alone to eat her donut. That is until she sees a bloated, waterlogged, and vengeful Puffikins sloshing and squeezing the doorway. Fuzzer holds the donut high out of harm’s way as Puffy spits a few hundred gallons of water on her. An annoyed Fuzzer shakes off some water off her head just in time for Puffy to spit out a roll of toilet paper at her. The roll bonks Fuzzer in the forehead and knocks her out.

Puffikins takes the donut, turns around and is triumphantly about to eat it when Fuzzers wakes up, walks up and backhands Puffy across the back of her head. The two fat cat-girls recoil and embrace in horror as the donut slow motion spins and lands in the urinal. Puffy smiles, “it hasn’t been there ten seconds!” Fuzzy cringes, “Yew! It don’t work like that!” The two cat-girls decide to be friends again and enjoy the mound of donuts left.

Meanwhile, Foot Foot, Midnight, and Pouncer are cartoonishly stuffed and bloated from eating nearly all but one of the donuts. Foot Foot and Midnight groan that they are so overly full that they could not eat another donut. Which is fine with Pouncer, who declares that she will eat the last donut. Foot Foot and Midnight decide that maybe they could eat that donut after all. Then Foot, Midnight, and Pouncer all start grabbing and pushing and fighting for that last donut.

Just in time for Puffinkins and Fuzzer to show up, look over the trio, look at each other, and shrug. “Here we go again!”