you gonna love me yet?

The next proposal that was sent into to Film Roman and Fox contest was a reworking of that lovable psycho, The Dumpy Little Princess. This is the first one that Pat Moriarity suggested that I send in. Unfortunately, a lot of really funny details were lost in trying to whittle this down to a capsule for a synopsis.

Again, same ol' picture, new color.

“The Dumpy Little Princess” Synopsis
By Doug Holverson

A mock fairy tale of puppy love slowly going rabid, adhering to the tradition of the classic Jay Ward Fractured Fairy Tales. This is a segment for the proposed “Cyclopses” show.

Once upon a time there was a Dumpy Little Princess. She thought that she had found a kindred soul in a Prince, who was also dumpy and little. But he had the bread to attract the Pretty Princess.

Dumpy promised to do an escalating amount of favors in exchange for the Prince promising to be her friend. He had his fingers crossed behind his back each and every time. She did his homework, mowed the his 50,000 acre lawn, cleaned out the litter box for Puff Puff (who was the Prince’s royal pet and fully grown dragon), and even cleaned the green and fuzzy stagnant and alligator infested moat.

At the other corner of this love triangle, the Pretty Princess threatens to leave the Prince for his association with the Dumpy. As always he could always bribe her to stay with material presents.

The Prince then cons Dumpy into paying for a big party to announce their friendship. He then stands up Dumpy who is waiting in the park in the rain and actually throws the party for the Pretty Princess. An angry Dumpy crashes the party but is ejected by the Prince’s guard. The Pretty Princess has to be diverted with a present to keep from leaving the Prince after the party has been dampened.

The Dumpy Little Princess spends the rainy night sleeping in the Prince’s front yard. Next morning the Prince finds Dumpy in his yard and they get into an argument, in which he tells her to “eat cat-food and die”. Dumpy storms home and writes a 79 page note and then attempts a failed suicide by eating cat-food.

Next Day the Prince opens his locker and out pops Dumpy screeching and throwing cat-food at him, “It didn’t work! Are you happy? Are you happy?” The Dumpy Little Princess’s parents drag her home and ground her to the dungeon for this.

Deep in the dungeon the Dumpy Little Princess writes many a love letter, “Dear Beloved Prince, This is the ninth message that I sent to you castle in the past hour! You start being home and answering these or else I’m coming over there and keying your royal carriage soooo bad!!! XoxOX”

When the guard was asleep, Dumpy escaped and keys the Prince’s carriage. Then she pounds away with a sledgehammer. The Prince argues with the Dumpy Little Princess, before he has the Royal constabulary haul her off to jail.

Believing they are free from Dumpy, the Prince and Pretty Princess go to the Royal Garden to hold hands. Only to find that the black and white striped Dumpy has dug her way out of the penitentiary. After Dumpy drops her ball and chain on the Pretty Princess’s foot, the Pretty Princess could not be bribed to stay with the Prince no matter how big an offer he amkes.

After the Pretty Princess leaves for good, the Prince yells at Dumpy. She points out that the Pretty Princess was a fair weather friend will not even broken promises, lies, and jail time deters her. The prince realizes without his material girl, a clingy psycho freak of nature is all he has left.

And they…. Uh…. Lived…. um…. After.