one year at the postal service

I did have the shrimp last night at Ute and was snowed in up in Soldier. Got down here to Omaha today in single digital temperatures.

Today is my one year anniversary of being hired by the Postal Service.

Here's the synopsis of "The Car That Cried Alarm". Same old picture but with new and improved color.

“The Car that Cried Alarm” Synopsis
by Doug Holverson

This is an update on the fairy tale, closely adhering to the tradition of the classic Jay Ward Fractured Fairy Tales.

Once upon a time there was a Motorist. And what’s a motorist without a car? Now this wasn’t just any car. It was his very own unique extra sporty model! It had spoilers on its rump and chinny chin chin. It had five gallon exhaust tips. It had cubic inches by the liter. The Motorist truly loved his car as he always washed and waxed and polished and detailed it. He had an alarm installed to insure his true love stayed out of harm’s way.

Wouldn’t you know it, just as out Motorist was out of sight of his beloved, a dumb drooling dog walks up and sniffs a tire. The dog runs away as alarm goes off. The Motorist and a Constable run towards the Car. The Car quietly snickers as the Motorist gives an embarrassed shrug at the Constable. They both walk away from the Car.

A leaf lands on the Car and the alarm goes off. The Motorist and a Constable run towards the Car. The Car quietly snickers as the blushing Motorist gives an embarrassed shrug as the Constable gives him a stern look. They both walk away from the Car.

A Sullen Teen sulks by the Car and gives it a sideways glance. The alarm goes off as the Teen runs away. The Motorist and a Constable run towards the Car. The Car is quietly snickering as the blushing Motorist gives an embarrassed shrug, gesturing with his palms held up as the Constable gives him a dirty look.

Just after the Motorist storms off to savor a decaffeinated double espresso, and for no apparent reason, the alarm goes off! The Motorist and a Constable run towards the Car. The Car snickers. The angry Constable rubs his billy-club under the chin of the Motorist who is sweating and forcing a grin, “Just a friendly warning, citizen, this here town does have a noise ordinance!” “Yes, sir! Absolutely, sir!”

The Motorist storms away and the Car is now sitting alone. Just as luck, or its polar opposite, would have it, who would show up but a genuine to badness Burglar on his nefarious rounds! The Burglar applies his crowbar to the Car. The alarm goes off.

The Constable decides to ignore the car alarm and investigate his coffee and donut.

The Motorist is sitting on his couch with his neglected S.O. and they both decide to ignore the car and share earmuffs and intimacy.

Next morning after the dirty deed was done, the shocked Motorist comes out to see that his Car has been battered and stripped. With a quivering lower lip, the Motorist calls the insurance company on this cell phone. The company states that his car is totaled. The motorist complains that it was his special unique car and he can’t get another one just like it “because Detroit messed up the newer models being all lower and faster and more powerful!” The Motorist has an epiphany and decides to fill out the form to get me one of them there new models.

The sad stripped Car is just sitting there with a Noise Ordinance ticket pressed on its shattered windshield. The moral of this story is: To the victim belong the spoilers!